Authentic and Free: A Journey from Shame to Self-Acceptance

Courtney’s personal story of how she befriended her inner bully and found freedom in loving and accepting her authentic self.

“Authentic and Free” reveals the secrets Courtney kept hidden most of her life, including actual journal entries from her teenage years about her eating disorder and the moment she first discovered her attraction to females.


The book promises to be uplifting, at times heart-wrenching, inspiring, and thought-provoking.


Excerpt from book:

Introduction

In the fall of 2010, tragedies arrived at the forefront of the news.  My heart sank as I learned how many lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning (LGBTQ) youth were committing suicide because they were bullied, intimidated and not accepted by others.  I found it even sadder that they did not know how to accept themselves.  They didn’t know their own strengths and inner light.  I then learned that these suicides occur on a regular basis. It’s just that some happened to get news coverage at that time. Youth are being kicked out of their own homes by their parents because they are gay or expressing themselves in an authentic, out-of-the-box way.

I felt sick.  Around that time I attended a local LGBTQ Coming Out Day celebration. I was amazed by listening to the brilliance of others’ stories of when they came out of the closet.  They shared the ups and downs.  Their stories were heartwarming, heart-wrenching, and made me realize I was not alone.  I was stunned at how one story could make such a difference.  One story could inspire me.  One story could bring me comfort, peace, and most importantly, HOPE.  One story could demonstrate that no matter how excruciatingly dark life gets, it’s possible to find sunshine on the other side.

I knew I wanted to help. I knew I wanted to be there for these LGBTQ youth and adults.  I wanted them to know how beautiful and precious they are.  I wanted them to learn how to love and accept themselves!  I wanted to help them transform shame into self-acceptance.  However, I wasn’t quite sure how I was going to do it. In fact, I still had my own insecurities at times about being fully out of the closet.  Especially being a bisexual woman, I faced a lack of understanding within society and sometimes even within the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning (LGBTQ) community!

I then met with my incredibly intuitive business coach Elmas Vincent at a local coffee shop.  Our sessions were usually light and jovial. This time, he got really serious and looked me directly and deeply in the eyes.  I stopped in my tracks.  I could tell something special was about to come out of his mouth.  With sincerity and intensity, he firmly said, “Courtney, you have to tell your story.” The silence that followed his statement seemed to last forever.  I breathed in his words in their entirety.  I then smiled and laughed with utter nervousness.

One part of me got extremely anxious and immediately thought, “What is he talking about?  Tell my story?  Is he CRAZY?  I hadn’t told my story to anyone beside my therapist.  Does he know how f—ing scary that would be and would that would mean?”

The other part of me remained calm and still as the bottom of the sea.  I knew he was right. I knew the Universe had planted Elmas in my life for many reasons. And this was one of them. To deliver this message to me. To plant the idea of sharing my story and give me the kick in the butt I needed.

Even though part of me wanted to tremble or better yet, grab my tea and go, instead I sat up a bit straighter.  Looking him directly in the eyes right back, I told him I was up for the challenge. I knew it was time.

I also knew it wasn’t going to be easy. This was the thing I’d been avoiding my whole life. Telling the truth of my own story.

I’d been hiding the real me, including my real thoughts and feelings my entire life. Yes, I was recovering from a long-standing eating disorder.  Yes, the recovery process was asking me to share ME.  All of me. Not just the parts I was proud of and wanted to share, like my accomplishments or successes.  ME. The nitty gritty, ugly, dark, and challenging moments. The ones I’d been hiding away in a dark closet for my whole life..even from my very closest friends.  I felt so much shame about who I was and what I’d gone through.  Here I was, now being asked to bear my soul. Could I really do it?”

Check out “Authentic and Free” to find out…

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