Do you wait until you are physically exhausted or sick to take care of you?

I talk to so many people who give, give, give.  They give to their spouses, friends, children, parents, other family members, boss, coworkers, neighbors, even acquaintances.  They go out of their way to do nice things for others—from something as significant as providing in-home care for a sick, elderly or frail loved one… to something simple like letting a friend choose the restaurant for dinner.

These people (and possibly you) have mastered the art of giving and doing for others.  They are extremely skilled and comfortable when giving.  Yet my question is—How comfortable are they (and you) with receiving? How about resting?  How about taking time for your own self-care?  While yes, it is virtuous and loving to give….and giving can be extremely rewarding….Yet if one does not also receive, or give to oneself, the whole system is out of balance.  And that’s a problem!

Life is all about balance—day and night, hot and cold, new and old, hungry and full, happy and sad, etc.  To be out of balance—to give but rarely receive—can lead to all sorts of problems for the giver—frustration, anger, resentment, complete exhaustion…even physical illness.  Oftentimes the giver does not stop to rest, does not stop to address their own needs—until their body forces them to.  Until they develop a terrible headache, a cold, the flu…or even worse—cancer, a heart attack, chronic fatigue, etc.

When are we going to stop to breathe?  At what point is it ok for us to receive from ourselves or from others?   At what point will we allow ourselves to receive?  Possibly other people try to help or give to us in some way, and we are the ones blocking the receiving.

Why is it so difficult to receive?  Do you feel unworthy of receiving?  Do you not understand the importance of receiving?  The importance of taking regular breaks and periods of rest?  Do you think you are invincible, that your body can just keep going, going, going?  Do you think that if you stop to take care of yourself the world will stop or melt?  Do you think that saying “no” means you are a bad person?  Do you think you can’t handle criticism that might come your way if you chose not to help in a given situation, not to go above and beyond?

Do we really have to wait until we are sick or physically depleted to rest or to receive?   I say “NO”!!!   It’s time we stop this craziness.  We are all worthy and deserving of receiving.  We are worthy and deserving of rest.  We are worthy and deserving of self-care and time to nurture our own bodies, minds and spirits.

We have to slow down…we have to rest.  It’s not really an option.  We have to do things that fill our bucket, regenerate our energy supply, and nourish our spirits.  Things that make our heart sing.  We have to RECEIVE.  And we can even enjoy the process! 

Please—don’t wait until you are sick to take good care of YOU!   Please give when you truly want to give.  And please stop giving when you truly want to stop.  Listen to yourself and your own internal guidance.  You don’t have to give because it’s expected of you, or because you want to avoid hurting someone else’s feelings.  The person’s feelings you must be most concerned with are your own.  You do not have to be superhuman any longer.  Isn’t that a relief!?  None of us truly have superhuman powers, anyway—we just thought we did (I apologize for breaking the news to those who didn’t know this yet!).

Suggested examples of receiving:

-When someone tells you they love you, stop to listen and really feel how that feels to hear and accept the love.  Truly receiving the “I love you” can be a whole different experience.

-Treat yourself to a period of relaxation or fun.  Take a nap, read a good book, put on some good music and throw a dance party in your home just for you.  Something to rejuvenate your body or spirit.

-Ask a good friend to listen to you as you share how you’re truly feeling about something.  Allow yourself to take up air time, and to let someone else listen and help you.

-Allow someone else to help you with a task (ex. make dinner, buy the groceries, walk the dog, etc.).  If they don’t offer, you may need to ask.  And even if they don’t do it “perfectly” or your way, just enjoy and appreciate the help!

-Take several deep breaths throughout the day.  This is a great way to receive much-needed relaxation.

-Keep a gratitude journal.  Every day write 3-5 things you are thankful for.  This is a great way to stop and reflect on everything you have received!

Suggested Affirmations:

-“I allow myself to receive!”

-“I am worthy and deserving of rest.”

-“I take time each day to care for me!”

-“I am open and receptive to receiving help from others”.

-“I relax and I receive.”

My Challenge to You!!

How will you RECEIVE today? If you’re willing, commit to receiving in some way today or this week…I’d love to hear what it is!  E-mail me at Courtney@CaringforYourSpirit.com

By Courtney Long, MSW, LC, CHt, Self-Care Specialist